Couples Counselling in London or online

It takes effort and commitment to maintain a healthy loving relationship. I help couples to understand the hidden dynamics at work in their relationship which are undermining their ability to understand and connect with each other.

When cracks appear in a relationship for whatever reason, couple counselling can help to identify what is going wrong and how things need to change between the partners to restore love, empathy and sometimes even respect which may have been lost as resentments build up.

The terms used in the field of psychological support can be confusing. Couple therapy, couples counselling, relationship therapy or counselling all refer to what was once termed (and sometime still is) marriage guidance counselling.

Many relationship therapists will tell you that couples come to seek help only when their relationship problems have become intolerable. Too often it’s as a result of a crisis such as an affair or the threat of separation that a couple will contemplate involving a therapist.

Maintaining a healthy, growing and loving relationship takes work. Too often we have a tendency to assume that the love and attraction that brings us together will be enough without tending to our relationship as if were an entity that needs care and support itself.

HOW THE PROCESS WORKS

The first step in the process is that I meet the couple either in person or online. I have taken a number of couples through a successful term of therapy online – which was far less common before the pandemic made it impossible or difficult to meet in person.

At this first session I’ll try to help the couple come to an understanding of the problem and agree what that is. For therapy to be successful, a consensus on what has caused the difficulties can be critically important.

Sometimes I might then suggest meeting both parties individually to find out more about their histories and how they feel about the relationship without the partner in the room. This can be helpful where communication and trust has broken down to such an extent that some privacy is needed before I continue working with the couple. In many cases we will continue the work with both partners present.

Once the underlying dynamics and issues have been identified and a path forward agreed, we will begin the process of restoring an intimate and loving connection which may include:

Improved communication through open and honest dialogue
Learning active and non-judgmental listening skills
Identifying existing strengths in the relationship
Understanding the impact of children on your relationship
Finding gratitude and appreciation
Embracing the differences that give you each your individuality
Rebuilding trust
Learning to self-diagnose relationship patterns
Understanding how family history shapes our beliefs about adult relationships
Identifying past traumas that prevent growth as a couple
Aligning your values
Challenging assumptions about each other that have built over time.
Homework tasks to keep the couple actively involved in caring for the relationship and cultivating healthy habits.

VISION AND MISSION CREATION

If can be very helpful for a couple to create a shared mission statement about what kind of relationship they want to live out. This process can help highlight differences in values and ideas about what a healthy relationship looks like.

It’s surprising how rarely couples think together about what their values are as a couple. What kind of a relationship are you building? Esther Perel, author of several iconic books on relationships, invites couples to explore the question, ‘What are we?’.

The mission is not there as a set of rules to hold each accountable to, but more as a guiding principle to support the relationship to grow.

I offer couple counselling from my office in central London to those wishing to work on their relationship together in a safe and confidential space. I also offer online couples therapy for those who are unable to attend sessions in person.

Fees are £130 for a one hour session. Longer sessions are available.

If you are interested to find out more about how couple/relationship counselling in London or online with me might be helpful, please contact me on 07740 535399 or at simon@london-psychotherapist.co.uk to discuss your situation and how I might be able to help.

Here’s a useful summary of what relationship counselling entails:

relate.org.uk/relationship-advice/help-my-relationships/relationship-counselling

+44 (0) 7740 535399

Couples Counselling in London or online

Simon Jacobs